his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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