I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize