He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
