no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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