Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
