hotel room ftw
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
