Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
