Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
