That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
