How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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