Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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