i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
