I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
