I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
