dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
