I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
