I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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