found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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