I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
