O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
