So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
