I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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