I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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