He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
