Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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