I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
