tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
