Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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