Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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