I just threw up on my dentist
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
