the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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