She is in my trunk
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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