I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
