Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
as a side note pls kill me
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
