yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
