After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize