So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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