you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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