how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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