sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
