Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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