It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
