3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
