Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
