i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
