I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
accomplished twins. life is a go
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
