He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This is the high leading the old right now
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
