I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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