i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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