chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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