Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
