Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
