It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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