I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
