It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I need to sanitize my soul.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
