Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Randomize
