Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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