You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize