shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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