I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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