this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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