Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
