he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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