Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Enjoy the penises
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
