Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
