Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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