I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
