Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
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